Frequently Asked Questions
Why should I use a relationship coach and not a therapist or psychologist for my relationship issues?
The decision to use one over the other depends on your needs and goals. For example, therapists and psychologists are degreed, educated, and licensed to clinically diagnose and treat psychiatric disorders such as depression, anxiety, addictions, and schizophrenia to name a few. It is best you work with these professionals if you respond with intense emotional reactions to everyday situations; Have strong unjustified fears or anxieties; Want to hurt self or others; Experience physical or substance abuse.
A good majority of people who seek relationship help from therapists and psychologists could often be helped better by using the services of a relationship coach. A coach deals with functional people who want to move toward higher functionality in their relational life and excellence in relating with others. Coaching is about taking you from where you are now and moving you forward so you get what you want.
Therapy clients are encouraged to reflect on the past, as part of the healing, before moving forward. Because coaches are not relying on insurance for payment, they do not have to provide a diagnosis and can use a great deal of skills, methods, and talents they have acquired, practiced and learned. Interestingly, I have spoken with several therapists and social workers who were intrigued with information I supplied them-things they did not learn in their studies.
Why do I have to commit to a minimum of 9 coaching sessions within a 3-month window?
Powerful changes happen in focused incremental steps. Becoming a Relationally Intelligent Mensch, is more than a solution to a problem-it’s a lifestyle. We work together so that the relational Mensch in you is second nature -a way of living and relating. Knowledge is best when it is translated into practice-opportunities to practice them. You'll get more out of the sessions when you start to apply the ideas and skills into your everyday practices. Until you do something with what you've learned, it's just a bunch of information in your head. I have learned from my studies and work in teaching and training adults that in a very short time after learning something, we forget more than 50% of it if we don’t practice and use it. This realistic commitment requirement gives you time to practice the skills and tools we go over as well as keep you focused and accountable for achieving your goals and realizing your dreams.
My partner and I are wildly in love, engaged, and planning on getting married. Why should we use a coach now?
Being well prepared for this most important journey of merging your lives is the key to happiness-not being prepared is the key to devastation. As a Pre-Marital couple, you are both committed to the relationship, but may lack the tools, skills and or insight to make this relationship both fulfilling and lasting so you enjoy sustained love and happiness from each other. Frequently, couples spend more time preparing for the wedding ceremony than the marriage and are not fully equipped to deal with the multitude of unanticipated changes and challenges they will experience and for which they will need to take responsibility in their partnership. Tying the knot does not mean happily ever after. Being ‘wildly’ in love is normal at this stage and realistically lasts usually no more than 2 years. Now is a good time to put in the effort and work needed to later reap the benefits of a relationship that is easy, smooth, free flowing and fulfilling. Working with a relationship coach at this stage increases your chances substantially for building a cohesive, functional, and loving relationship. By using the cutting-edge relationship tools, skills, and concepts you get coached on, you allow yourself to acquire a deeper knowledge of yourself and an improved awareness of the joy of being together with your partner. NOW is the time to get off to a good start.
Do you offer a ‘test’ session?
I offer zero cost sample sessions and exploratory sessions. Sample sessions are no longer than 20 minutes and focus on one issue you bring to the call. They are offered twice a week to the first 3 people each time who sign up. The exploratory sessions are 35 minutes in length and focus on a specific topic each month such as “In this deteriorating relationship, should I stay or leave?” There are 5 opportunities per month for which to register. Either type of session you choose, you will be able to experience the coaching process and be able to assess the benefit and value you would get from moving forward with signing up for sessions. You are under no obligation, of course. Each prospective client is entitled to one sample session or one exploratory session. Click here to contact me for a no cost 35 minute exploratory or a no cost 20 minute sample session with me – it is the fastest way to experience the coaching process and working with me. You will also receive a complimentary assessment.
Isn’t it unnecessary and impractical for me to be coached on relating since I have been relating all my life and it is second nature?
That is where the problem lies-we have a lack of mindfulness. When we think we know it all, we stop learning and paying attention. We are not born knowing how to relate and have probably never been taught the tools and strategies for being in joyful and stress-free (or at least limited stress) relationships. Most of us have been relating in a fog- unaware of our relational incompetence and illiteracy. We all have relationship deficits. Most skills and techniques we use have been modeled to us by those who also did not have training on relationships. Many of the relating strategies we use are outdated and ineffective. We simply do not know what we don’t know. We cannot observe and assess ourselves with 100% accuracy. We often toss out the truths we most need to know which leads to missing opportunities for us to repair any deficiency or capitalize on any attribute. It is not that you are doing anything wrong-you just are not doing enough right. When you partner with me as your relationship coach, you will be awakened to finding more meaning and enjoyment in your relationships than you have yet experienced. Through my uncanny ability to help you expand your awareness you will be able to open your mind to possibilities and avenues you have not yet considered. Relating and relating well are two different things. And while you may have been in good relationships and find your relating skills are adequate, remember, ‘the biggest room in the world is the room for improvement!’ Whether it is family, co-workers, friends or romance, there is always room to deepen your understanding about all aspects of relationships and to learn ways to relate very well.
Don’t all relationship coaches have the same playbook from which they extract information and materials?
There are no regulations in the coaching industry, so a coach can start a business with virtually zero requirements in education or training. Additionally, coaching can be done without any licensing. There are several accredited organizations that offer a coaching certification upon successful completion of their program. Most of these programs focus on coaching skills and marketing strategies. For some people, this is their only source of information about coaching. Many therapists go into coaching although as mentioned earlier, the skills and tactics are different for the two disciplines. Others may also have degrees that perhaps relate to coaching-or maybe not at all. My playbook is far from the typical. I have read in several articles that ideally your coach will have a degree in organizational development/behavior. My graduate course work started in the curriculum of Guidance and Counseling, then to Training and Development, and ended with Human Resource Management/Organizational Behavior for which I received my advanced degree after doing my thesis on Relationships! Mining knowledge from the fields of Appreciative Inquiry, Kabbalah, Emotional Intelligence, Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT-tapping) Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) together with learning from key players in the realm of behavior psychology, I am able to offer clients a repertoire of realistic, innovative and exciting tools, resources and strategies.
Why is coaching more beneficial than self-help books and articles?
I offer a simple approach that will give you dramatic and permanent results that you cannot get from self-help material or listening to motivational speakers. Relationship skills are not intellectually learned: simply knowing them does not create harmonious relationships. They are learned by substantial guidance and experiential practice in real life situations. Having the experience illuminates the point and changes the thinking. Using books and internet one-way communication has limited value in helping you. Working with me as your relationship edu-coach, you will be able to convert knowledge directly into new behaviors that will quickly become second nature.